There is no Prince Charming,

you are all you need!

Really just telling myself that.

I had a moment yesterday. I was on my run and I often get quite emotional on my runs. Yesterday was one of those days. I was so emotionally charged that I think my brain was running faster than my feet. Halfway through the run, I realised I had missed it all. I was so preoccupied that I had not taken in my surroundings at all. And there was one particular thought I just ran with "what am I doing? What is the point of all this?" And then I started getting angry "why am I here? I didn’t ask to be here? This was NOT my plan!" And then I started to get angry with my ex because our relationship ended and he should have tried harder. Because I wanted it to work and I wanted babies and I yelled in my head, "HE should have saved me!" That was my thought. I am being honest, that was my genuine thought and I stopped. I stopped running and fell to the ground on my knees and began to cry and breathe heavily. I knew that was not the case. And at that moment, I had an epiphany.

I am afraid. My whole life I have searched for that person, in a man, to rescue me. To take me in his arms and tell me it will all be ok. The older I got I gained more experiences. The more I worked on my spirituality, the more awakened I got. The more I practised doing esteem-able things, the more confident and secure I got. With time, I realised that only I can take care of me in the way that I wish. But, that scares the hell out of me! Because, yes, I am more secure in myself, I love myself more and I trust myself more. But what I realised yesterday was that I don’t 100%. And the thought of relying on just myself when I myself often call myself a failure is a terrifying thought. And aside from the fear, you know what, its bloody hard work. Supporting your own needs is a big responsibility and hard work. At least it is for me and I get overwhelmed because let's be honest, it is easier to be taken care of.

So yesterday, after I mentally blamed everyone else for the situation I am currently in. After I cried and caught my breath back, I said, "There is no Prince Charming, just me. I am my own Prince Charming." And you know what, I felt empowered. I felt like I had taken control back and all my expectations of others dissipated. I was speaking to a friend the other day and she said, "I must let go of the fairy-tale." And I think that is probably what influenced my own thoughts and you know what. Yes, maybe we should. I believe in love and I believe in partnerships. I believe in mutual respect and love and growing together. But today I have learned that waiting for someone to save you, to rescue you then is merely a recipe for disaster. Expecting another to make you happy, well, we all by now know that you are the only person who can make you happy. And I know my image says prince charming mainly as it is a reproduction of my reflective thoughts as a woman. But coincidentally (I believe there are no coincidences) as I wrote this, I noticed that "Better Man" by Paolo Nutini was playing in the background. And that reminded me of a man who listened to this in tears after his girlfriend at the time left him. he said she made him a better man. So, it got me thinking that it can go both ways, men can also wish to be rescued, maybe in a more nurturing way. This post is definitely not a dish on men. Finding a woman who makes you want to be better is great but should you not wish to be better for you? What if that woman never comes along? Will you never grow, improve or change? Where is the self-love?

It's been a tough week.

Starting your own business is a challenge. It can be a self-empowering, self-motivating, and creative journey. However, it can also have the opposite effect. Depending on how high your self-esteem is, your ability to align your unconscious with your conscious and how strong your faith in yourself is. I think as a creative person and a human it is normal to have bad days as well as good days. I think it's on the days that we feel low that we are truly tested and so is our dedication and commitment to our goals. When I am going through the bad days, they suck! but in hindsight, they have been the most insightful moments of my life. Yesterday was painful but I learned so much more about myself and that is invaluable.

I would go through that pain any time again just to find out that I am all I need.